Dear Husband:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.

I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to

show for

it.

These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that

you

had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you

came

home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked

your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home

and ate

in

two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You

don't

tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either

you're

cheating or you don't love me anymore, what ever the case is, I'm gone.

P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving

away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Your EX-Wife

Dear Ex-Wife

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true

that

you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a

far

cry

from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your

constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you cut

off

all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You

look

just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't

say

anything nice. When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten

me

confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years

ago.

I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the

price

tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my

brother had

just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was

$49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could

work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten

million

dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I

got

home you

were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have

the

filling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that

you

wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was

born

Carla. I hope that's not a problem.

Signed Rich As Hell and Free!